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25 June 2007: im a cookie.

im a cookie.

when i saw your back.

mids are gonna go so wrong. i wanted to give up on the geog essay. planned to sleep. but saw that instruction stating that we gotta hand in essays separately. so i had to force out a paragraph each.

the feeling so intense.

i crumble.
22 June 2007: back from gate of death

im back from the gate of death. well maybe not.

felt so cold yet so hot. dont know i was covered in sweat or water. too weak to stand, too weak to sit. cant see, cant hear, cant eat my pill.

seriously i felt trapped in a spoilt tv with a sizzling screen and muting. with cold shivering limbs and a body covered in cold sweat, i felt my way to the kitchen to get a glass. fumbling, struggling to hang on, i poured hot water into it. i could so see what may happen next. i may faint, i may break the glass, i may scald myself. isnt this what i've been wishing for? an escape route.

i didnt know why i struggled so hard to keep concious. grabbing the packet of bread on the table, stuffing it down my throat, gushing in hot water to keep myself from going down. then hurried to swallow the pill with limited water.

it felt like i could just give up and be gone.

it was just a menstrual cramp but why does mine hurt so much than others?

why do i keep seeing you in my dreams? is everthing a coincidence? why am i still so giddy?
18 June 2007: pink milk

life shouldnt stop even if my heart stopped beating. i gotta be strong. cause my life belongs to everyone around me: my family, my friends, even my turtle.

i gotta work towards my goal to earning mountains of money. cause there are 1000 places to visit before i die. i wanna see an aurora and canoe in alaska. and donald trump builds luxurious houses. so im so gonna get one of it. pretty night views, pretty windows. and i wanna eat lots of seafood. the world seems so pretty on discovery travel & living channel. my favourite channel for now. i wanna be a world traveller, a party planner, a 5-star insider, a donald trump. and since kids central stopped playing my favourite charlie and lola, i can watch discovery travel and living.

charlie and lola brings me back into the wonderful childhood moments. kids have no troubles. except when lola is not the sun, and she cant get her shiny red shoes, her favourite book from the library etc. but on the overall, having charlie as her brother is a blessing for her. he tries to convince her into liking what is given to her, do whatever it takes to get her to sleep, like shoo-ing the whales from the bathtub. how i wish i had an older sibling like charlie. but my older sister aint mine. she's got her own family.

but nevermind that. i've got double layered warmth. X) from my mum and my stepmum to be. it feels great to be playing mahjong at her house. feels safe around them.

and i've already mentally prepared my dad for my 4Fs to come. but i've yet to tell him he may be meeting the principal. i've prepared my lie for the 4Fs. now im just afraid of breaking down during the exams. it's gonna be sucha blow. i dont wanna end up crying like my friend.

but i have no choice. if i hadnt done this, i wouldnt be blogging now. i wouldnt be living. i would be ashes. :)) but im not.

so 4Fs, here i come!
07 June 2007: hey dude love life.

I dont feel like blogging anymore. Cause im like so whatever.